Twzzzzz: Experiments in Social Media

I’m a fan of a fellow named Dave Walker, who writes the World’s Dullest Blog. Dave has to work very hard at making the blog dull because everything else he publishes is interesting and mostly fun. Recent excerpts from the blog include: “I noticed that the doormat was at a slightly crooked angle.  I reached down and moved the mat back into its correct place. The edge of the mat was then perpendicular to the door.” This elicited a comment from someone: “I wept because I had no doormat until I met a man who had no door.”

Dave is rather good at gentle satire, and that’s certainly what he’s achieved with the Dullest Blog. Unfortunately, I seem to be experiencing it on a daily–no, an hourly–basis over at Twitter. I thought I had it figured out. I would join, find some people I knew to follow, then begin following others. What goes around comes around, and soon I would have more followers of my own. Hasn’t worked that way. Aside from some really interesting stuff from the Pratt Library, Baltimore Fiber, Etsy, and a couple of others, following Twitter is somewhat akin to watching paint dry, only less productive. Instead of finding out interesting new stuff, I’m getting lessons in product spam and self absorption. To wit:

• Aha! I was tickled to death to gain you as a follower and to learn that you were interested in beads! In haste, I followed you back, only to learn that every 2-4 hours you tweeted the same announcement regarding your online store.
• I know more than I ever cared to about your entire personal life including your illnesses and aversion to smoking. Mercifully, I believe you may have gone out of town today, or perhaps you’ve sprained your finger. Also mercifully, you don’t read this blog, so I feel safe in commenting.
• I (ahem) gave birth to not one, but two-count ‘em-curly-haired cherubs. I breast-fed them both, and their little bottoms were encased in immaculate cloth diapers–never paper. People used to stop me on the street to tell me how adorable they were. Aside from the obligatory new-baby-announcement blitz, and (paper) mailings on birthdays and at Christmas, I didn’t find it necessary to photograph them several times a day for the benefit of the world. Maybe it was because actual film and developing were so expensive.
• I thought you were interested in my rosaries. Little did I know you wanted to be my go-to tile guy in Murfreesboro, TN.
• On the plus side, thank you-really-for posting those cute dog and cat daily factoids. I can tell you spend time researching them, and it’s a great way to promote your dog-and-cat related business. Maybe it’s because I like dogs and cats, but I find myself looking forward to them.
• I am so very, very sorry that you were too busy “making art” ever to have read The Catcher in the Rye! Of course I’m not real sure what making art entails. I’m more familiar with painting, sculpting, mixed-media, oh, you know-art. You’re entirely welcome to continue feeling superior to me because I make craft. I hope you won’t mind if I feel superior to you because I’m literate.

In short, a lot of this has given new meaning to the word “stultifying.” It’s probably time to take a break from Twitter. It seems to bring out my Jonathan Swift side. Either that, or I should work on my gentle satire.

Tags: art, craft, self absorption, social media, spam, the catcher in the rye, twitter