Say What?

No Irish need apply

The scene: Jasper National Park in Alberta, Canada
The cast: Two people named Madison (from Maryland)
One very Canadian, very grizzly, bear (from Canada)
One Park Warden–we would call him a “Park Ranger” in the U.S.

OK, so we were  on a jaunt near a beautiful lake in Jasper one fine day, and we spied a grizzly bear on the opposite shore. He was minding his own business, fishing in the shallows. We could tell he was a grizzly because of the shape of his very fine snout. Since we’re good citizens of Nature, we admired him from afar (through field glasses), snapped a few shots that didn’t turn out, and returned to the town of Jasper. Park headquarters is right in the center of town, and there was a clearly worded sign to the effect that they’d appreciate reports of any bear sightings.

I waited in line, and when it was my turn to speak with the ranger (or warden) on duty, I said, “We had a pretty clear sighting of a grizzly bear out at the lake. I just wanted to report it, since you (well, I said “y’all”) have this sign posted.”

The warden looked at me kindly, but with great perplexity. “I didn’t understand a word you just said,” he replied. This surprised me since my Southern accent is redolent of Tidewater Virginia, and if I use the words house, mouse, or south, people tend to ask if I’m Canadian.

I’ll admit I’m perplexed at the good leaders of Arizona over their avowed intent to “scrutinize” the accents of people teaching school there to search for “mispronunciation.” I have a teaching degree, and I was born in the United States, but I greatly fear I wouldn’t pass muster. They probably wouldn’t like my oddly broad vowels. CNN interviewed four people who are teaching there now and whose jobs are apparently under threat: An Irishman, a Jamaican, a Hispanic American, and a woman from Brazil who has two advanced degrees in English but who was referred to by the education fellow as “Hispanic.”  I thought that “Hispanic” meant “descended of Spanish ancestors.” People from Brazil are largely descended from Portuguese ancestors, so they’re not really Hispanic. Except “Hispanic” now means you have brown(ish) skin and dark eyes and hair and (apparently) that you talk funny.

As for the Irish teacher, I’d have to say that he sounds unmistakeably Irish. I’d also have to point out that the Irish are widely regarded as having preserved the written word and literature in general, through the time we call the “Dark Ages.” The people in those monasteries were literate. The teacher from Jamaica carried that Islands lilt in his voice. But it was a cultivated and educated voice, closer to Britain than most Western Hemisphere voices. And unless the English are mispronouncing things, I’d have a lot of trouble faulting the accent of the “mother tongue.”  The Hispanic and Brazilian teachers were educated, cultured, cultivated women. I couldn’t find a single fault with their voices, their pronunciation, or their accents.

I hope that Arizona has a lot of good colleges and universities, and I hope they’re churning out teachers like mad. If you listen to people from the United States, and if you’re in a fault-finding mood, you find:

• New Jersey, of course. Oddly enough, that characteristic “oi” sound is also echoed in certain accents from Alabama and Mississippi.
• New England, where they pahk the cah for the pahty at Hahvad. I guess. Eyup.
• The South. Old South, Deep South, whatever. Uh-hunh, that’s a Southern accent. They also say “Y’all.”
• New York. Eh? Difficult to make fun of, but I know it when I hear it.
• The Midwest. Yaah, you betcha. They also say “pop” there when they mean “soda.”

I’ve spent some time in Arizona, but I’ll confess I don’t recall what people sounded like there. I must have understood them, and I guess they understood me. Nobody suggested I was Canadian. For now, I’m planning to stay out of Arizona. I have light eyes and graying hair that was once brown. My spouse has dark eyes and graying hair that was once dark. Both of us have quite a bit of Irish in our backgrounds (hence the cartoon at the top of this entry). I sound like I’m from Virginia. Greg? His accent is pure Philadelphia, and I suspect he’d be regarded with suspicion. I don’t think either of us will be visiting Arizona until we get our passports renewed.

Tags: accents, arizona, Brazilian, canada, Hispanic, Irish, Jamaican, midwestern accent, new jersey accent, passports, Portuguese, southern accent